You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
