i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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