i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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