So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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