if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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