i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just cut my nipple shaving
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
