just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
