I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
