sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
