You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
