I look better un-naked...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
