At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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