so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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