I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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