Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
