the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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