I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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