i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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