Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
