spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
