yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
