You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
