my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
