Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
