I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
