Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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