youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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