Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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