And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
