im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
