so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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