I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
