i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
