is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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