Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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