It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
