I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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