you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
