I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
