he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
