6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
