UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
