Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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