It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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