you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
