peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
