but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
