I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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