I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
