I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
