Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
