If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
