I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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