a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
