69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
